Oh (Lydia) Joy That Seekest Me Through Pain

I can tell this is the beginning of a love/hate relationship.

I love the fact that there are doctors and scientists who have developed vaccines that help keep my little Lydie healthy.
I hate that it hurts when those vaccines have to be injected in her little chunky legs.
I hate that when things hurt my little Lydie she sometimes cries (and screams, and turns red, and shakes her little fists, and quivers her little chin... and cries).
I love that Joe and I get to be the ones holding her (rocking, bouncing, cuddling) calming her down.

I know that chances are it's going to be A LOT worse than it was today at times. I mean, we live in a broken world and there's pain and heartache and disappointment, I get that. I just didn't realize until those little tears streamed down her sweet little face that Lydie, my little Lydie, was going to have to face that kind of pain.

Part of me wants to protect her from all of it. Just hole up in our little apartment, far away from needles and other things that can hurt her. But that wouldn't be good for her either. Pain... sucks, but it helps us learn. Where would I be if I never fell down, scraped my knee and felt pain? Where would I be if I had never experienced the heartaches and disappointments? C.S. Lewis put it well in The Problem of Pain when he said this:

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

As strange as it is, I don't want to protect Lydie from all pain. Don't get me wrong, I won't be leaving piles of glass and rusty nails around for her to hurt herself. It is certainly not my desire to create pain for her. However, I don't think it is our job as parents to shelter our children from any and all pain. No, our job is to tell her that pain does exist and she will experience it and that when she does... listen. It's our job to help her, as best we can, to understand and discover what God may be shouting to her little heart. Maybe it's something simple, like "Listen to Mom, she's trying to keep you safe". Perhaps, though, it could be something much more difficult to understand, something like "God is sovereign".

No matter how hard it is, I want my little girl to feel that pain. I want her to listen to it. I want her to learn from it.

But I'd really be alright if she never, ever, ever had to get another shot.

Smiling Mucus Ridden Munchkin

Even though she feels cruddy and has A LOT (it's just ridiculous really) of yucky mucus all up in her business -- she still has smiles for Mama.

Precious girl...

Then and Now

All the windows are open and it's nice and quiet in our apartment. Lydie's sleeping in her crib (this is so beyond rare... it still kind of freaks us out when we can't hear every little breath, sigh and cute little grunt), Joe's taking a nap in our room and of course... I can't quite gear down to nap myself. So much for sleeping when the baby sleeps.
It's kind of funny. Everyone told us we wouldn't sleep for months after she was born, but it really hasn't been all that bad. In the last 5 weeks and 3 days she's really only had about 4 nights where she didn't sleep like a champ. 5 tops. She rarely cries and for the majority of the time that she is in fact awake she's just a sweetheart. Peaceful... she's very peacefull.
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So everything I wrote above was from last night.. before the munchkin woke up and had the worst night on record so far. It seems she's got a new.. "friend" that's moved into her nose and throat.

Mucus. I. Hate. Mucus. The poor dear can't sleep for anything if she's flat on her back, so currently she's resting (finally!) in her swing. Seriously though, there should be some sort of law of nature that makes evil things like mucus and other sickly things stay away from little bitty babies that can't even blow their nose or clear their throats.

And of course, now that I've been up since 3:20 and Joe's off to work, even though she's sleeping,  I can't get to sleep. Going back to sleep is always more difficult than going to sleep for the first time... unless of course there are things you need to be doing, places you need to be going, people you need to be seeing.


I have no such needs this morning.


Ah, Motherhood.

Insert Witty First Post Title Here

It's been awhile, Blogosphere. Usually this is where I would uncomfortably chuckle and say something about how busy I've been and that this time I'll post more often. Truth be told, though, I've been very actively avoiding you. I have had ample time to write, more than enough material, and have often thought about coming back again.

Why did I leave? Oh it's kind of silly really. I got reeeeally tired of censoring what I wrote because I knew that this person or that person wouldn't agree with me, and gee wouldn't that be awkward.. being different than someone else.

Then I had a baby and discovered that everyone and their Aunt Sue thinks they are THE AUTHORITY on anything and everything related to babies. Oh, and not just their babies, but her babies and her babies and most assuredly my baby. It's like the Civil War, except that there's nothing very civil about it. But all sides do think they're eternally winning (Winning! darn... now I have to pay royalties to Charlie Sheen).

So I've decided to stop caring if I think something different than she thinks, or he thinks. I'm even fine if I think something other than what you think (Oh man, I went and assumed readership on my first post). Cuz ya know what, I'm not you and your baby isn't my baby. Your experiences are not my experiences and your mind is not my mind. So of course we're going to be different. And that's really ok by me. Finally.

So if you're still reading, you're welcome to keep reading and to comment with what you think no matter how different or similar those thoughts are from mine. (Oh stop cringing, it'll be fun)